Aging Family

The aging family has challenges of its own. It can be a time when heath starts to decline, may even lose a spouse, and adult children start to leave home. But this should not be a time of despair, there are many joys that come when the family starts to age like grandchildren and more freedom for spouse time. When all the children grow up and move out of the house it is almost like the couple remarry. They now have to opportunity to have time with just themselves and get to know each other all over again. Often times I think the time where the family ages is looked down upon because it doesn’t seem as exciting as a young family, but that is wrong there can be just as much joy in having an aging family as starting a new young family.

Divorce

Divorce is sadly becoming more and more common. I believe that when there are complications in marriage wither it be financial problems or communication problems the very last resort should be to divorce. We have talked in class how it is common for those who divorce their first married spouse often regret it later and wish that they never had left each other. I think that is so sad, people think that a divorce will stop all the hurt and solve the problem when more often that is just the beginning. After a divorce if there are kids involved there have to be compromise with time and money which can bring a lot of hurt and stress. Also after the divorce not all of the time are both of the spouses emotionally divorced. I believe that when spouses work together to solve any problem big or small it helps them to grow stronger together!

Parenting

 There are many purposes of parenting from providing necessities for the children to teaching the children moral standards In “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Church leaders declared, “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.” I would say parents are the most influential people in children's lives. It is important for them to make the right choices to help benefit their children  in learning and growing. I love this video it helps remind me of not only what my earthly parents have done for me but also Heavenly Parents have done for me: To Every Mother

Fatherhood

In the April 2004 LDS General Conference, Elder L Tom Perry gave a talk titled “Fatherhood, An Eternal Calling”. In his address he stresses the importance of the eternal callings that fathers have. Heavenly Father has given guidance through the scriptures and prophets how the roles of the family should function and that a family needs a father to anchor it. Five important points in his talk were that a father should be a presider, partner, provider, professor, and a protector.

The father is the one who presides in the family; he is the head in his family. Elder Perry stresses that leadership in the home should involve leading the following; family prayer, family home evening, at meals, teaching correct principles, giving direction, family rules and discipline. He quoted a statement given by The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles in the June 2002 Ensign that says, ”Fatherhood is leadership, the most important kind of leadership. It has always been so; it always will be so. Father, with the assistance and counsel and encouragement of your eternal companion, you preside in the home. It is not a matter of whether you are most worthy or best qualified, but it is a matter of [divine] appointment.”

The father is to be a partner with his wife. It is important for the father to be a leader with the wife as a companion. A wife is provided a way to fulfill her role as a mother in the home when the father’s role is to provide for the family, to achieve this husband and wife need to work together to meet Heavenly Fathers divine roles and counsel that he has given to be both providers and nurturers. Elder Perry stated in his talk that, “there is not a president or a vice president in a family. The couple works together eternally for the good of the family. They are united together in word, in deed, and in action as they lead, guide, and direct their family unit. They are on equal footing. They plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward.”

The father is the provider for his family. As mentioned earlier it is important for the father to be a leader with his wife as a companion. They are responsible to preside over their families in love and righteousness and also provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Elder Perry said, “Fathers, by divine decree, you are to preside over your family units. This is a sobering responsibility and the most important one you will ever assume, for it is an eternal responsibility. You place the family in its proper priority. It’s the part of your life that will endure beyond the grave.”

The father is a professor, one who teaches the family by precept and also by example. He quoted another statement from The Quorum of the Twelve Apostles from the June 2002 Ensign that says, “When you recognize the importance of teaching your children, you become humble, because at once you realize that this is accomplished by precept and example. You cannot be one thing and effectively teach another. You must live and study and pray for the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. You must purify and organize your life so that your example and leadership reflect the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ.”

The father is a protector for his family from physical and spiritual harm. A father protects his family by providing shelter. He is able to keep his family physically safe by providing a home. He is able to keep is family spiritually safe by keeping the temptations of the adversary out of the home and inviting the spirit in. Another quote Elder Perry read in his talk was one from President Joseph F. Smith “Brethren, there is too little religious devotion, love, and fear of God, in the home; too much worldliness, selfishness, indifference, and lack of reverence in the family, or it never would exist so abundantly on the outside. Then, the home is what needs reforming. Try today, and tomorrow, to make a change in your home.”

My Father has been a big influence to me in my life and I hope to find a future husband with some of his same qualities. In my future family, to ensure father involvement in the lives of my children I hope to do some of the same things my father has by being involved and doing activities with the whole family from things like; family home evening, family prayer, family scripture study, working together on family projects, teaching the family new things and much more. I know that I want to have my future husband to be a father that is involved with his children because I have seen how it has blessed my life, and I have also seen how it has destroyed families when a father is not involved. I know that the counsel that the prophets have given us from Heavenly Father are to be taken seriously because it is divine. The role of a father is needed in a family to anchor them righteously.

Link to Elder Perry's talk: Fatherhood, an Eternal Calling

Communication

It is important to have good communication within a marriage because it strengths the bond between the husband and wife when they can best understand one another. We all need to be more aware of the different ways that we all communicate, especially in marriage.  Communication occurs all the time. In class we discussed the types of communication we use; verbal communication, which is words and tone, and non-verbal communication, which is body language.

You would think that we would take the majority of what the person is trying to communicate to us by their words, but that is not always the case. The biggest message that we receive from people is from first by their body language (51% of the information that we gather), then tone of voice (35% of the information that we gather), and then by their words (14% of the information that we gather).

If we gather so much information from the body language of people and their tone of voice, why are so many people now using texting, or some sort of messaging use that does not involve those two key parts of communication? How many mixed messages do we receive from these kinds of communication?

I hope that in a marriage that those types of communication wouldn’t be the main way for the couple to communicate. It is important for the couple to make sure they are clear in what they say and also have clear rules. Meaning that they share their meanings of communication so they can better understand the messages they try to send to each other, both verbally and non-verbally.

A Crisis within a family can either tear them apart or bring them closer together. It all depends on how the family reacts to the situation; they can either push each other away or come closer and face the situation together. Why families often tend to push each other away when a crisis happens is because they are either scared to bring them into the situation or they fill they don’t need others help and this could potentially destroy the family. But when a family faces a crisis together and works through it as a team it could bring them together because they are all working together to make things work out for the best.

After Marriage there are many early marital adjustments that are made from small adjustments like sharing a bathroom to adjusting to caring for a child. There can be lots of stress added to a marriage when a child is brought in focuses begin to change. A child should not be a factor of destroying a marriage it should be one that strengthens the marriage helping the husband and wife to work together and learn together. I believe that when there is stress there is an opportunity to grow.

How is the fidelity of Marriage viewed in society? I think that many people view it as being unfaithful to your spouse by cheating on them or having a sexual relationship outside of the marriage. After discussing this topic in class this past week I believe that there are so many other ways that often over looked that someone could be unfaithful to their spouse. Things that are often over looked could be from not making your spouse a priority and putting other things first, spending more time with others and discussing with them problems you and your spouse may have, and there are many more. At the time they may not seem like a big deal but they can result in dishonesty and unfaithfulness. Married spouses need to be faithful to each other by being honest to each other, taking care of each other’s needs, and loving each other.

This week in class we have been talking a lot on preparing for marriage. My professor discussed with us that in a relationship there are 5 different parts.

1.) KNOW-The longer you know a person the more you know about them

2.) TRUST- Deep positive confidence in them

3.) RELY- Dependence on them to meet needs

4.) COMMIT- Commitment to each other

5.) TOUCH- Physical

To have a healthy relationship these should come in order. Knowing should start out higher than Trust. Trust should be higher than Rely and so on. When all five are at the top level, feelings of attachment are the strongest. But even when one of the parts is low attachment is weakened and your feelings of closeness become mixed.   

I am thankful for this important advice that I have been given to help me develop a strong healthy relationship. I know that it is important to follow all these parts in order and take the time that is needed so that no parts are skipped. I know that if the right time isn’t taken than a relationship could be late be destroyed.

My professor gave some wonderful advice this week as we have been studying and discussing family mapping and relationships within a family. He said, "The relationships Heavenly Father wants us to have are not natural but divine". I believe that to be true because the relationships that we build in this life will only continue throughout the eternities. So remember that it is important to create healthy relationships now because they will continue to bless you!

This week in class we have been discussing the different trends that are happening today in our society relating to families. It is sad how many of the trends are negatively affecting the structure of family. For example, it is sad that it has become more common for people not to have as many children in the past, or not even have children at all. I am thankful to have the knowledge of the gospel. I know the importance of having and raising a family and the happiness that it will bring.

“My dear brother and sisters, may the laughter of children gladden our hearts. May the faith of children sooth our souls. May the love of children prompt our deeds. ‘Children are an heritage of the Lord'  (Ps. 127:3)” - Thomas S. Monson “Precious Children- A Gift for God,” Ensign, Nov. 1991, 70

Hi!!

I am Ashley Anderson! I am taking a Family Relations course at BYU-Idaho. We have been asked to keep a weekly blog about we learn and share stories or any insight that we have. I have never kept a blog so I hope you, will find this entertaining yet educational! I am excited to be sharing my thoughts about this class with you!!